The blurred line between survival and self-sabotage.
Familiar ain't always safe.
Self-sabotage is one of the most painful things to witness. It’s almost impossible to recognize while you’re actively choosing it, and that’s what makes it one sneaky little b*tch. 😬
Self-sabotage can sound so logical, wise, and responsible until you look back and realize you’re still in the same spot you were hoping to grow out of.
Your insanely creative friend who dreams about leaving their job but convinces themselves another 6 months won’t hurt? Self-sabotage.
Your misguided ex who wanted a healthy, long-term relationship but shut down whenever you wanted to discuss feelings? Self-sabotage.
The entrepreneur who doesn’t promote themselves because it means being seen? Self-sabotage.
And even you, lovebug, who keeps accepting crumbs because rejection feels scarier than settling? Self-sabotage.
Self-sabotage typically occurs subconsciously. It’s less about destroying your future and more about protecting an identity your nervous system mistakes as safety.
To choose differently would be to intentionally choose discomfort. Not because self-sabotage is actually more comfortable, but rather because it keeps the stories you’ve built while using it alive.
Who are you if not the person you’ve been telling yourself you are based on your experiences thus far? A story you’re used to can feel safer than one with blank pages awaiting your pen.
What you must understand is that your brain is less interested in getting you where you want to go and more interested in getting you somewhere familiar. It will keep rerouting you toward what it recognizes…even when the destination is exhausting. Especially, when the destination is exhausting.
Everyone talks about what growth will cost you, but fewer people ask what’s the cost of staying the same. The person you’re destined to be? The life that’s been waiting for you to stop negotiating with fear? Your dream relationship? A meaningful work life? Peace?
Unfortunately, our survival tactics can’t just announce when they’ve expired, but they can most definitely become the very thing standing between us and the life we’re praying for.
I recently watched someone I cared about choose what felt familiar over what could have been deeply fulfilling, and it broke my heart. It reminded me of how convincing our survival instincts can be and how out of body we can get when our survival is perceivably at risk.
The mind will almost always choose the story it already knows over the possibility of a better one.
I’ve done the same in different chapters of my own life though—I’m sure you have, too. The goal of this letter isn’t to shame any of us for the ways we’ve learned to survive because those tactics likely protected us when we needed them most. The invitation here is simply to notice when yesterday’s protection has become today’s limitation.
Familiar ain’t always safe, lovebug.
Sometimes the safest thing you’ll ever do is trust yourself enough to write a different story.
With love and fire,
Ty ❤️🔥
If this letter found you at the right time…
I’m available to help you write a different story. I have a service called The Brand Portal where I hold space for all of you (your fears, your history, your desires, your capacity, your ideas etc.), and guide you into a clear way forward where your survival instincts don’t run the show. 🌀
Give me 60 minutes. Can’t wait to see you inside!
Love this "Familiar ain’t always safe". Thanks for sharing your gifts with the world.